


lay me gently in the cold dark earth

by Kidfish



Series: picture me in the ocean, i picture you in slow motion [1]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Character Study, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hate Sex, Heavy Angst, Knifeplay, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28254492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kidfish/pseuds/Kidfish
Summary: It goes like this.An island in the middle of the ocean, Two girls, friends by extraneous circumstances.One slips, the other falls.There are two girls and then there is one.Then, a scream, that pierces the sky and shatters the earth.or: Martha dies to save Shelby. She and Toni have to come to terms with it.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: picture me in the ocean, i picture you in slow motion [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069775
Comments: 6
Kudos: 125





	lay me gently in the cold dark earth

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE TAGS. This fic references a lot of heavy topics, including a character death (not explicitly written, but still), suicidal thoughts/ideation, as well as using knives in potentially dangerous setting. Take care of yourselves, y'all.
> 
> I don't know where this came from really, but it's based on the prompt of 'angry sex between Shelby and Toni where they finally have an outlet to release all of their tension'. So because apparently my brain loves angst, I turned that into "what if Martha chose to save Shelby from a fall but Martha died from the fall and the aftereffects of that."
> 
> title is from Hozier's Work Song
> 
> Enjoy!

It goes like this.

An island in the middle of the ocean. A group of lost girls, yet to be found. 

Two girls. A cliffside. A misplaced step, a scrabble of rocks and scrambling hands. A lurch of momentum. It’s too much and not enough.

A choice. She makes a decision, maybe it’s the right one, maybe it’s not, but a decision is made.

Strength, it’s a funny thing. Humans have endured for thousands of years but only by decision, by choice. She chooses to save. She chooses to be changed, by good, by love.

It goes like this.

An island in the middle of the ocean, Two girls, friends by extraneous circumstances.

One slips, the other falls.

There are two girls and then there is one.

Then, a scream, that pierces the sky and shatters the earth.

It goes like this.

Somewhere far away, in a small house on a small piece of reclaimed land, a mother falls to her knees. 

Sometimes it’s inexplicable, a mother’s intuition 

It goes like this.

Everyone moves into autopilot. They pack wet sand with dry and gather wild flowers from the hill. They close her eyelids so she could be sleeping. Other than that, it’s nothing like the first time they surround a figure laying in the sand.

One of the girls doesn’t even show.

Instead, she sits on a different cliff, her blonde hair whipping in the wind.

Her feet dangle over the edge. It doesn’t scare her.

She remembers a different time, sitting here with another girl, hand pressed to cheek, a conversation about doubts. About hope. About love. 

Now, all she thinks about is how easy it would be to jump, to fall.

It goes like this. 

The girl thinks about another time, from her life _before_. Of two girls, one broken and one scared. She can’t remember who is who anymore.

She thinks of religion, not of God, but religion, in the general, all-consuming sense. She was never one to question her faith, but now, she’s not so sure.

God doesn’t make mistakes, but she’s beginning to think maybe she’s made one. 

She thinks of Jesus, how he suffered for hours on the cross. She knows this time wasn’t like that. It was quick and she didn’t suffer. Her breath still cuts into her side like thorns.

It goes like this.

She moves forward, inch by inch, amazed at the grains of rock and sand that fall over the edge almost dreamily. 

This all feels like a bad dream.

She closes her eyes. She wills herself to move, to slip over the edge. Maybe she deserves it. Maybe she wants it.

Her legs and arms stay stubbornly still. They’re taunting her.

She doesn’t move.

But oh God, her mind _wants_.

It goes like this.

She hides out in the woods. Under a big tree with long branches sloping downwards, heavy with fruit.

It takes two nights for one of the others to find her. Of course, it’s her, who finds her. She waited at their spot after all. 

The other girl doesn’t say anything, just sits down, turned in the other direction. 

There’s too much to say.

Neither of them talk at all.

It goes like this. 

They go another full day without talking. She gets the sense the other girl and her anger is boiling just under the surface. It’s only a matter of time before it spews out, hot and volatile.

She’s prepared to get hit by the fire, by shrapnel. She’s prepared to be consumed, to be _burned_.

She thinks of a Bible verse. The book of James, verse 3. _The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body._

She thinks of Hell, surrounded by fire and evil, and she thinks, for the first time in her life, she deserves to go. 

It goes like this,

The other girl is awake before she is. She knows because she hears the soft weight of footsteps against the forest floor.

She faces the girl. Her eyes look rubbed raw. Her face is blotchy and red. Fresh tear tracks streak down her cheeks. 

The girl opens her mouth. Fire descends down onto both of them.

It goes like this. 

Their voices start low, tightly controlled and constricted. As if they’re both afraid to let loose. 

Then, it builds and builds.

Her voice grows loud, mixing with the other girl’s, until they’re both shouting. Screaming. Launching words back and forth like punches.

They both aim to _hurt._

She’s surprised when she makes the first move towards the girl. She overpowers her by height and weight and rage. 

They slam into the trunk of the tree. It rattles the bones in her jaw. It rattles her. She hadn’t expected the pain to feel good. 

Hadn’t expected to like the power she had by pinning the other girl to the tree by the wrists. It courses through her veins like a drug, mixing with the anger and the hurt.

She spits out her words, all venom.

The other girl spits back. 

Maybe all they are is good at hitting each other where it hurts. Maybe they were never destined to last, at least in this life, on this island.

It goes like this. 

The other girl lunges. Grabs the hunting knife she keeps in her back pocket. She feels the cool, dangerous metal press against her throat. She feels her heart jump into rhythm in her chest. 

She almost laughs. 

She wills the girl to press harder, for the blade to cut into her skin, so she can bleed. 

Their eyes meet and she almost begs. But decides the truth would hurt even more. She relishes in it. 

_Don’t you think I wish it was me? That I was the one to fall instead of her? I was the one to trip, Martha chose to save me instead of herself. I know you wish it was the other way around, but it’s not and I’m sorry!_

She realizes it’s the first time she’s cried since the accident. Now, the tears come in full force.

The other girl has the audacity to look shocked.

It goes like this. 

Somewhere in the middle, their lips meet. 

The knife gets thrown away and she almost misses it. But then the girl’s mouth is on her lips, her neck, her chest, bruising and ravenous.

She wakes up from the fog that’s been over her head the past few days and presses back, harder. She doesn’t stay in any one place for long. She rips at the fabric of the other girl’s clothes because this is what she needs right now. 

To mark, to claim, to take. 

Neither of them wants to submit to the other.

The other girl growls into her neck, whispering barbed, fractured sentences. She remembers their first time, the soft, slow words. It’s exactly the opposite of what she needs right now. 

It goes like this. 

The other girl shoves a hand down her front. It’s jarring, her fingers swiping through wetness and entering her with no words, no pretense.

She shudders and rocks into the girl’s hand, at a blinding pace. 

The other girl grips at her back, nails sinking into the skin there. She hopes they’ll leave marks. 

They fuck hard pressed against the bark of the fruit tree. 

It’s bitter and violent and gentle and loving. Above all else, it makes her feel _alive._ Even though that’s the last thing she wants to be right now. 

They’re both crying as she comes.

It goes like this. 

An island in the middle of the ocean. Two girls lean into each other, united by their shared grief. 

It’s too much and not enough

It goes like this.

A group of girls get rescued.

They learn to heal.

They’re irreparably changed by something good, something like love. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr (@iamkidfish)<< my inbox is always open for fic prompts or just if you wanna yell about these characters!
> 
> Any comments and/or kudos is appreciated!! Thanks for reading :)


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